My Love and Drug: Music
The coordination of sounds softly penetrates my ears as I lay there motionless on my bed. The sound waves formulate effortlessly as they set me on a path to deep slumber. Most of the time when I wake up my headphones are no longer cushioned in my ears and are tangled on the side of my bed, and or on the floor in some cases along with my phone. But it’s all worth it because falling asleep to Frank Ocean’s beautiful rendition of “Moon River” is what makes my sleep worth it for me.
That deep interaction with one song, for about 3 to 4 minutes you are encapsulated fully immersed into a new reality constructed by a single song. You’re trapped there until the song ends but yet you don’t want to leave either, taking in every second of the masterful art. These deep, deep feelings that pour out of us into our minds and sometimes out into the physical world is as intoxicating as the strongest drug. The way a song can direct a person to the deepest of depths and the highest of highs is truly a feat like no other.
As I continue to lay there motionless, the soothing voice of Frank Ocean pours into my ears and my soul. Emotions begin to muster up inside me that I cannot contain. They overwhelm my already limp body.
Emotions and feelings are what make us human. It tells us that we are here and we are alive, no matter how those emotions come to be or play out. I have come to find that music and God are the two realities that have been the most emotionally charged aspects of my life. I have felt the entirety of the emotional spectrum with each. I have felt joyfulness and complete wonder with certain songs and with my time with God. Though both can be in the same vein when it comes to praise and worship, but not always the case. I have also felt sadness and pain, not as a result of God or music. But both have helped me cope and get through the toughest times in my life, more often than not God worked through music in my darkest moments.
My eyes are just a pair of drifters as the song carries me off to the dream world. As the songs become the soundtrack to my dreams. As they drive the narrative of the story, steering the story as it pleases with the change of song, or as small as the change in beat.
Not all the time, but I can remember a lot of dreams and points in dreams where I can hear the song playing in my dreams. There were two moments that really stood out to me in that regard. I was in this sort of two-door garage place, both garage doors were open. It looked kind of like a car mechanic shop of some kind though there were no cars or mechanics for that matter around. I remember singing out the song “ Moon River” to a group of people, whom I have never seen before but they were there. I was singing every lyric out, and I have a feeling I was singing the song in my dreams as it was playing through my ears. Another moment, kind of the same deal. I was in a car with friends driving around a parking lot and we were all singing out and I was crying to a worship song. I want to say it was either “ Even When It Hurts” or “ So Will I”. Anyways I woke up and there were tears in my eyes and on my pillow. Not only was I crying to the song in my dreams but also in real life and that the crying woke me up from my dreams. I have never been more weirded out and yet at peace at the same time in my entire life.
The alarm interrupts the scene, abruptly ripping me from the dream world. I open my eyes, with the music no longer in my ears but the playlist still on repeat on my phone. I try and get up with everything I can muster to get out of the cocoon that I have made for myself. The warm embrace of my bed. With the music now playing out of my JBL speaker, I get ready for the day.
The hardest part of the day is waking up. It’s always has been and probably always will be. My day hinges on that split decision if I wake up or not and if I decide to wake up on time. I have not yet mastered the art of waking up at a certain time every day. My hope is one day I will be able to, but for now, it’s more of a pipe dream than an actuality. When I do get up at the right time I turn on my JBL speaker and either play my sleep playlist or whatever songs or artists I’m vibing with at the time. Most of the time I’m not even listening to the music, but to just have it in the background as I get ready is paramount for me and essential. I literally can’t properly function without it.
As the outfit is perfectly picked out and assembled I reach for my backpack and sling the straps over my shoulders. Then I reach for my earbuds as I head out the door. Opening the glossy silver shell to reveal the two pearls safely tucked inside. My hand one by one picks up both of them and cushions them in my ear. Then ever so softly pressing play as I drown out the world heading to class.
I don’t have the best fashion sense, but I do put some thought into what I want to wear every day. I feel like my taste in clothes and shoes has only grown with time. I’m not an out of the box dresser or anything but I’m not going to wear sweat pants every day. I understand that not everyone feels the same way but for me, it’s a comfort thing. Just the feeling of dressing good makes you feel good. I still gravitate towards music even when I’m headed to class. Even though I know it’s only for a few minutes when I’m walking. But it’s a habit I have built for many years going back to middle school when I first got a phone. I would drown out all the noise of the chattering middle schoolers on the bus on our way to school. I’ve always looked forward to vibing to my favorite songs. Then it continued in high school and during passing period. It just became part of my routine. Call me an introvert or antisocial, but I would choose to listen to music rather than having meaningless conversations in passing. Sure it’s a bit different here at NCU. Where small talk can turn spiritual really quick. They are definitely conversations that can be more meaningful than middle and high school passing conversations, but I’ve never been a huge fan of small talk, nor am I good at it.
The batch of classes is done, work is done. I am now alone with myself once again in my bed. The day is nearing its end and preparing for its eventual return. Frank’s voice once again lulling me to sleep, I proceed to shut my eyes. I feel the emotions of the day and of previous days begin stirring up inside me. As I fully decompress and let the music and feelings come to me. I lay motionless, afloat across the river of my bead. Drifting towards the dream world. “Life is just around the bend, my friend Moon river and me.”
